Dialogue must not be LONG-WINDED. It must be SHORT and PUNCHY.
Don't DRAG the dialogue.
Dialogue must include EMOTIONS and BODY LANGUAGE and THOUGHT
Miss Tan marched angrily towards me. (ACTION) She stopped short in front of my desk. (ACTION) My mind raced for an excuse for my uncompleted homework.(REACTION + OPINION) |
Ms Tan leaned forward to glare at me, her eyes boring into mine. (ACTION) |
I quaked in fear and lowered my head. (REACTION + FEELING) My heart palpitated rapidly like African drums. (FEELING) |
I stole a peak at my friends who were all giggling at me. (SENSE-SIGHT + SOUND) |
Embarrassment crept into me (FEELING) and I wished the ground would open up and swallow me alive. (OPINION) |
"Where is your work?" Ms Tan roared, her eyes twitching. (ACTION + SOUND) “I forgot,” my reply was as soft as the squeak of a mouse. (REACTION + SOUND + FEELING) “What an excuse!” she cried, her face as red as tomato. (ACTION + SOUND + FEELING) “No recess for the WHOLE WEEK!” she shrieked and stormed off, shaking her head in disgust. (ACTION + SOUND + FEELING) STUDENT'S SAMPLE |
| "Did you do your homework?" Miss Tan asked as she stared her bloodshot eyes at me. |
| I was shaking with fear. What should I say? My brain raced for the most believable excuse. |
| "No, I did not know how to do as I was not in school," I replied softly, hoping that Miss Tan would have mercy on me. |
| "Why didn't you ask your friends?" Miss Tan snapped, her face red like tomato. |
| "I am sorry," I replied, lowering my head. |
| "No recess unless you finish your work!" Miss Tan barked. |
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