PSLE: A Surprise Find at the Park

Today was a scorching day.  Heat prickled my skin and I felt like a roasted turkey and decided to take a shower.  Just as I was about to enter the bathroom to get a refreshing shower, the phone screamed for my attention.

I picked up the receiver in irritation and squawked, “Who’s that?”

“Raeann, it’s me, Kelly!”  my best friend, Kelly spoke in an urgent voice.  “Meet me at the neighbourhood park NOW!”

 The line went dead.  Why did Kelly ask me to the park?  Curiosity got the better of me.  I wore my flip-flops and ran down to the park without hesitation.

When I reached the park, I searched for Kelly like the way a hound hunted for a rabbit in a hunt.  Strange!  Very strange!  Kelly was missing.     It was as if Kelly had disappeared into thin air!  Was she kidnapped?  My imagination ran wild.

“Psst! Psst!  Raeann, I am here,”  Kelly whispered from behind a rose bush.

“Kelly…”  I exclaimed. 

“Shh…” Kelly whispered in a muted tone, “come here.” 

I tipped my toes as I padded towards her and hid behind the same bush as Kelly.

“Look at this,” Kelly showed me a black leather bag and in it were wads and wads of hundred-and-fifty-dollar notes.

“WOW!”  I cried, my lips making an ‘o’ shape.  “Where did you find it?”

“I found this under a wooden bench,” came the reply.

“Why don’t I keep the money?” Kelly suggested, with a sparkle in her puppy-dog-eyes.

Suddenly, big shadows cast over us.  “Hand over the bag now!” a strange voice ordered.  We turned and saw two beefy men staring daggers at us.  The pockmarked-face man even had a dagger in his hands.

My heart palpitated against my padded ribs and my face blanched in trepidation.  Seriously, I doubted that the money was theirs.  It could be a stolen loot.  Run!  My instincts screamed inside me.

I grabbed the bag and fled like an arrow shooting out of a arched bow.  My legs brought me to the edge of an expressway.  Panic engulfed me.  To cross or not?   Raeann Lee, you got to be kidding?  Risking your life for this bag of money?  Just give them the money for goodness sake! 

Cross!  I threw caution to the wind and ran hell for leather across the busy road, narrowly avoiding one vehicle after another but the men were still hot on their heels.

Out of the blue, the police siren reverberated through the air.  The police patrol car was whizzing towards us.  It screeched to a sudden halt by the side of the expressway and hopped off the vehicle.  I pointed at the duo who took flight and were bolting down the expresssway.

Two police constables rushed toward them.  After a fierce struggle, they managed to subdue the two and arrested them.   Expletives continued to pour out of their mouths though they were in handcuffs.  Unbelievable! I later found out that they had robbed the bank and hid the loot under the bench during a police chase.  Kelly also told me that she was the one who notified the police.  Soon, the patrol car disappeared down the road.

After the hair-raising incident, it dawned on me that I was lucky not to have been knocked down by the cars.  The mad dash across the expressway was definitely not worth it.  As for the robbers,  I hoped after this incident, they would learn their lesson and turn over a new leaf.   However, with men like that, who knows what they would do next – even after they are released from prison?

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Improving Writing at Sentence Level

Today was a hot day and I needed to take a shower.

Today was a scorching day.  Heat prickled my skin and I felt like a roasted turkey and decided to take a shower.

Just as I was about to enter the bathroom, the phone rang.

Just as I was about to enter the bathroom to get a refreshing shower, the phone screamed for my attention.

“Who’s that?  Raeann’s here,” I asked.

I picked up the receiver in irritation and squawked, “Who’s that?”

“Raeann, it’s me, Kelly!” my best friend, Kelly, exclaimed.  “I found money!  Come to the neighbourhood park now.”

“Raeann, it’s me, Kelly!”  my best friend, Kelly spoke in an urgent voice.  “Meet me at the neighbourhood park NOW!”  The line went dead.

Why did Kelly ask me to meet her at the park?  I went to the park without hesitation.

Why did Kelly ask me to the park?  Curiosity got the better of me.  I wore my flip-flops and ran down to the park without hesitation.

When I reached the park, Kelly was nowhere to be seen.

When I reached the park, I searched for Kelly like the way a hound hunted for a rabbit in a hunt.

 

Strange!  Very strange! All too strange!  Kelly was missing.  Was she kidnapped?  My imagination ran wild.

Strange!  Very strange!  All too strange!  Kelly was missing.   Was she kidnapped?  It was as if Kelly had disappeared into thin air!  My imagination ran wild.

“Psst!  Psst!  Raeann, I am here,” Kelly whispered from behind a bush.

“Psst! Psst!  Raeann, I am here,”  Kelly whispered from behind a rose bush.

 

“Kelly…”  I exclaimed.  “Shh…” Kelly said in a muted tone, “come here.”  I tipped my toes as I hid behind the same bush as Kelly.

“Kelly…”  I exclaimed.  “Shh…” Kelly whisphered in a muted tone, “come here.”  I tipped my toes as I padded towards her and hid behind the same bush as Kelly.

 

Kelly showed me a bag of money. “Wow,” my lips made an ‘o’ shape.

“Look at this,” Kelly showed me a black leather bag and in it were wads and wads of hundred-and-fifty-dollar notes. “WOW!”  I cried, my lips making an ‘o’ shape.  “Where did you find it?”

“I found this under a wooden bench.”

“I found this under a wooden bench,” came the soft reply.

“Why don’t we keep the money for ourselves,” Kelly suggested.

“Why don’t we keep the money for ourselves,” Kelly suggested, with a sparkle in her puppy-dog-eyes.

Suddenly, big shadows cast over us.  “Hand over the bag,” the lanky man hissed.

Suddenly, big shadows cast over us.  “Hand over the bag now!” a strange voice ordered.  We turned and saw two beefy men staring daggers at us.  The pockmarked-face man even had a dagger in his hands.

My heart palpitated against my padded ribs and my face blanched in trepidation.

I doubted that the money was theirs.  My instincts told me to run.

Seriously, I doubted that the money was theirs.  It could be a loot.  Run!  My instincts screamed inside me.

I grabbed the bag and fled.

I grabbed the bag and fled like an arrow flying out of a bow.

When I ran, I came across an expressway.  Cross or not?  If I didn’t, the burly men would kill me!  If I did, the men might not follow me and I would not be killed.

My legs brought me to the edge of an expressway.  To cross or not?  If I did, I might be killed by the speeding vehicles.  If I didn’t, those evil men would get the loot and may even silence me off!

Cross!  I ran across the road cautiously but the men did not stop following me.

Cross!  I threw caution to the wind and dashed across the busy road, narrowly avoiding one vehicle after another but the men were still hot on their heels.

(Why did the police appear?)  The police patrol car was whizzing by.   I pointed to the two men.  The two men froze.

Out of the blue, the police siren reverberated through the air.  The police patrol car was whizzing towards us.  It screeched to a sudden halt by the side of the expressway and hopped off the vehicle.  I pointed at the duo who took flight and scurried off down the expresssway.

The police came out of the police car and arrested the men.

Two police constables rushed toward them.  After a fierce struggle, they managed to subdue the two and arrested them.   Expletives continued to pour out of their mouths though they were in handcuffs!  Soon, the patrol car disappeared down the road.

I later found out that they had robbed the bank and hid the loot under the bench.  Kelly also told me that she was the one who notified the police.  I was lucky not to have been knocked down by the cars.  The mad dash across the expressway was definitely not worth it.  As for the robbers,  I hoped after this incident, they would learn their lesson and turn over a new leaf.   However, with men like that, who knows what they would do next – even after they are released from prison?