PSLE: An Eventful Camp Trip

Going for a camp trip always sounds like fun.  I had one two years ago.  It was definitely an eventful one.  In fact, it is so memorable that even now, my fellow scouts still tease me about it...

The night was as dark as a dungeon, except for the dim rays of moonlight that filtered past the opening flap of the tent.  It was silent and tranquil except for the occasional breeze that weaved among the leaves and made them rustle.  It was a survival camp for the scouts and they learnt how to live in the wild.  Everyone was exhausted after a flurry of activities in the day and I was fast asleep in a tent with three other boys. 

Unfortunately, we had uninvited company.  Ssss, ssss. A malicious snake had stealthily slithered in. It was a gargantuan python as long as a van.  Its beady eyes darted from side to side as if it was looking for a meal.  A juicy meal.   

In the midst of my deep slumber, I felt something heavy.  Unknown to me, the insidious creature had started to twirl itself around my legs and I was not even aware of it. “Hey, get off me,” I cried, thinking  that it was my friend.  But there was no response.  I opened my eyes and saw my friends with a torchlight staring at me as if they had just seen a ghost. 

“What’s wrong, guys?” I asked, rubbing my bleary eyes. Thiru, with his face as white as a sheet, curled his trembling finger and pointed at my feet.  I stared in dismal unbelief when my eyes met the glinting eyes of a humongous python, its tongue flicking non-stop.   Temperature immediately dropped to sub-zero.  I froze in paramount fear as a chill instantly ran down my spine. 

“Ahhhh! Get off me, you monster,” I yelled, trying to wriggle violently out of its tight grip.  My every move incited its wrath even more and it constricted further.  Oh no!  My legs were getting numb and the reptile’s toned-bronze frame had already managed to slip further up my torso.

“Someone, help me,” I pleaded, my tears falling liberally down my cheeks.  No one dared to move a muscle. Everyone cowered behind Joken.  With some hesitation, he decided to ram punches onto the elongated snake with his clenched fists.  His knuckles turned red and painful and his face was flushing pink with fatigue.  However, no matter how hard he tried, the adamant snake refused to budge.  It was crushing the life out of me.

“Hey guys, let’s think of Plan B.  Let’s get the camp master’s help!” Joken suggested. The three boys ran to inform the camp master, Coach Gabriel, panting breathlessly as they sped. 

Alarmed by the report of the trio, the camp master, together with his assistants, grabbed his bag and dashed to help.  By this time, all the scouts had gathered and circled outside the tent.  Everyone was on tenterhooks, their eyes fixating on me.

Coach Gabriel tried hard to pry the snake away with the help of his two stout assistants but it was in vain.  In desperation, he dug out a penknife and started stabbing the snake furiously.  The stubborn snake finally relented and loosened its grip and slowly slithered away.  Everyone was overcome with relief.

Phew!  It was a close shave.  Except for some minor injuries and leg numbness, I made a complete recovery within days and was back to my exuberant self.  It was definitely an eventful camp for me.  I was saved from the clutches of death and have definitely learnt to value life more than ever. 

PSLE: A Surprise Present

Joelle was troubled.  Her best friend, Peiying, was tearing and she felt so sad on seeing it.  Peiying was staring at her old, tattered school shoes.  It was the sports meet the next day and how was she going to even win in any race?  The holes in her shoes were gaping and the soles were slippery.  Filled with melancholy, Peiying’s tears brimmed in her eyes as she let out a sigh of resignation.

Joelle wanted to do something for her but what should she do? She racked her brain and finally decided to give her an awesome surprise.  A new pair of shoes!  It would probably cost her all her savings but she knew it was the right thing to do.  Mom always taught her to look out for the needs of others.  Since the sports meet was the next day, there was no time to lose.  She rushed home and emptied her savings and visited the mall near her home.

At the mall, the shoe shop had all the latest sports shoes on display.  They were all beckoning her to buy them.  Exuberance filled her heart.  Which one would Peiying like?  Unfortunately for her, they were all out of her meagre budget.  “Is there all you have?  I need to buy a pair for my best friend,” Joelle asked in an almost pleading voice.

The shop assistant caught her hint and smiled.  He immediately showed her the cheapest pair of Nike running shoes and offered to give her another ten per cent off since it was the last pair on display.  It was a bargain she could not refuse.  Joelle beamed with immense joy. With an empty wallet and a pair of decent shoes for her best friend, Joelle almost danced as she made her way home.

The  next day, the sports day finally arrived.  The stadium was packed with students.  As eager as a beaver, Joelle craned her neck, looking high and low edgily for her best friend.  Her sparking white teeth sparkled when she spotted her in a crowd of athletes and jostled and squeezed herself there.

“Peiying, I have a surprise present for you,” she cried out above the din and shoved the brand new shoes into her arms.  Before Peiying could even reply, Joelle was dashed off back to the spectator stand.  What was that?  Peiying opened the gift box and her mouth fell agape in surprise.  Was it a hallucination? A pair of Nike shoes?  She was taken aback by the gleaming new shoes which were a perfect fit.  What an incredible surprise!  She was stunned speechless.  Tears fell like beads from a snapped bracelet.  Since her race was the next in line, she wasted no time at all and wore her new shoes in eager anticipation for the race.

Bang! The starter gun blasted and Peiying took off like the wind. She ran like there was no tomorrow.  Her heart pounded against her ribs as droplets of perspiration slipped from her porcelain skin.  She was determined to win and give her best friend a surprise gift as well.  Finally, she crossed the finishing line and won by a large margin. Joelle felt super proud of her best friend and cheered the loudest at the spectator stand.  It was a memorable moment for both of them.

The next day, there was a gift box on Joelle’s desk in the classroom.  As Joelle opened it, a card and a gold medal greeted her eyes.  On the card was written:

               

Dearest Jo,

                  Thanks for being a wonderful friend.  Yesterday you gave me the biggest surprise ever and today this is my surprise gift for you. BFF forever.  Muacks!

Love,

P. Y.

PSLE: Writing a great introduction and close for a PSLE composition

Theme: Danger

Original Introduction

It was a balmy day and the water looked as smooth as glass except for the occasional ripples.  Jay intended to explore the river behind his grandmother’s house.

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Writing Techniques: Senses (sound, smell, sight, taste, touch), Appearance + Dressing, Thoughts and Feelings, Hook

It was a balmy day. (2-3 details on how you think a balmy day looks like)  Birds were chirping melodiously on the gnarled tree branches.  Butterflies were already busy fluttering around collecting nectar. The smell of the colourful flowers lingered in the air.  Jay was making his way to the river bank.  His lanky (appearance) legs thumped on the dead leaves, making them crackle.  He smiled (facial expression) as he gazed (do not use ‘see’) at the river.  The greenish (color) water looked as smooth as glass (simile) except for the occasional ripples.  Exuberance (feeling) bubbled in him when he spotted (do not use ‘see’) a boat beside the river bank.  It was going to be a day of adventure.  Little did he know that great danger was looming nearby... 

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Original Conclusion

Suddenly, while Jay was struggling, the whole boat capsized.  Without hesitation, the crocodile immediately attacked Jay’s right leg trying to pull him down into the water.  After that, no one knew where Jay was.

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Revised Climax and Close

The crocodile gave the boat a massive slap with its humongous tail.  The impact was so powerful that the boat overturned and Jay flew off the boat and splashed into the water.  (BODY) Jay was choked by the water that rushed into his mouth and nostrils.  Being a lousy swimmer without a life jacket, he struggled for air.  As if that was not bad enough (THOUGHT), the crocodile lunged (vivid verb) towards him and opened his gigantic jaws wide.   Lines of razor-sharp teeth glinted in the sun. With a loud snap, Jay’s right leg was completely ripped off. Blood immediately turned the river crimson red. After a struggle, the splashes and ripples soon turned feeble and became no more.

The day turned dark and dreary.  The birds no longer sang.  The butterflies hid themselves.  The smell of death rose like vapour from the ground.  The greenish water looked as smooth as glass once more.  No one knew where Jay was.

The river awaits its next victim. (Implied Theme)

PSLE: Expanding the climax with writing techniques

In a recent composition I marked, the 'Before' is the climax done by my student.  Using her work as a sample, I taught the class on how to expand the climax and hook the readers. The 'After' is what we discussed in class.  Not too bad, right? 

Before

The sound signalled the start of the race.  The competitors sprinted as if they were on steroids.  It was hard to win in such a race.  Timothy overtook them one by one.  Soon, he was the first.  Dashing as fast as he could, he crossed the finishing line and won.

After

Bang!  The blast from the starter gun signaled the start of the race.  The competitors typhooned down the race tracks like strong gales as if they were on steroids.  It was hard to win in such a race.   Was Timothy going to win?  Maybe yes?  Maybe no? Yet, Timothy refused to give up and held a tiny glimmer of hope inside him.   Whooosh! What was that? It was Timothy.  He had picked up his pace and was running at a breakneck speed.  Timothy had never run so fast in his life before.  Where did he get all this leg power?

His unexpected performance caught the spectators’ attention.  They were all holding their breaths.  Everyone was at the edge of their seats, all eager to know who the winner was going to be.  They were all cheering for their favourite runners.  The whole stadium was instantly electrified! 

As Timothy charged forwards, his strong legs thumped against the orange rubbery tracks.  His heart throbbed violently against his ribcage and his lungs were screaming for air.  Sweat was dripping down the sides of his forehead. Despite the intense ache in his legs, he overtook them one by one.  Soon, he was neck to neck against the strongest runner nicknamed ‘The Flash’!  Winning him would be a miracle.  Was Timothy going to win?  Dashing as fast as a bolt of lightning, he ran like no tomorrow and overtook his opponent.  Yes, he crossed the finishing line! He won! Filled with triumphant jubilation, he punched the air in victory!

PSLE: A Surprise Party

“Auntie Lynn is going to get the biggest SURPRISE ever!” Rachel, a bubbly girl, with deep dimples burrowing into her fat cheeks, exclaimed as she took out the birthday cake from the fridge. 

“You’d better get the living room ready when she arrives,” Rael, the oldest boy in the family, reminded as he acted as the lookout, looking through the window pane.

The house was buzzing with excitement.  The three children were feeling thrilled about the surprise party that they had planned for months for their beloved helper.   It was her fortieth birthday and they decided to throw her a party to thank her for all the love lavished on them.

“Let’s hurry up,” Risa, the middle child, ordered as she arranged all the food on the table.  The kids had to hurry up before Auntie Lynn returned from her day off. 

Suddenly, a loud whistle sliced through the air.  “Auntie Lynn is on the way!” Rael called out.  The house then became as quiet as a tomb.  In a distance, the faint sound of shuffling footsteps echoed in a distance.  Soon, a bunch of keys jingled and the door sprang open. 

“Surprise!” the children trumpeted vivaciously.  Streamers popped and confetti sprinkled on the stunned head of their beloved helper.  The kids burst into a happy birthday song while Rael played the tune of Happy Birthday on the piano.  Wow, what a reception!  Bright unshed tears welled up in her eyes as she gazed at the beaming faces of the three lovely children. 

Tugging her rough hand, the children brought her to the table covered with a pretty lacy cloth.  The table groaned under the weight of all of Auntie Lynn’s favourite food.   Hawaiian pizza, curry chicken, French fries and a lovely Chocolate mousse cake.  Everyone tucked in and enjoyed the scrumptious spread, chattering and laughing.

After the food were the presents.  Rachel made a pictorial collage of all the memorable moments of the time the kids spent together with Auntie Lynn.  Rael gave a generous hongbao with all his savings inside and Risa gave her a golden Seiko watch.  Tears flowed freely and Auntie Lynn gave everyone a tight bear hug.  It was definitely a surprise birthday celebration that she would never forget.

PSLE: An achievement

Lakdul gave a long sigh and stared with his worn-out Nike shoes.  It was the Sports Carnival and he was supposed to participate in the 4 by 100 metre relay.  His nickname was – Fatty – and he had violently protested when he was selected for it but it was in vain.  Mrs Tan thought that he needed to cut some flab and that was it. 

Could he win or bring shame to his class?  He had been training hard for the past few weeks.  He could not bear to disappoint his classmates, could he?  Keeping his fingers crossed, he stepped onto the tangerine rubbery track and got ready.

The stadium was teeming with spectators.  It felt like a boisterous cavalcade, filled with chatters and laughter.  Every seat was filled and the pupils’ faces were flushed red with energy and glistened with sweat.  Perspiration soaked their shirts.  Student vendors were selling popcorn, Coke and whatnots. 

Soon,it was Lakdul’s event - the final one.  Bang!  The starter gun fired into the air and the athletes took off and typhooned down the tracks like strong gales.  All the students, dressed in brightly coloured sport attires, stood up to watch the race.  Their faces were painted with intense excitement as the class scores on the tally board were all neck and neck.  This was THE race to decide the winning class!

Cheerleading teams from each class were doing their magic.  It was as if they were on a test on which team was the best.  One sounded like a broken radio that was badly coordinated.  The next team was better and sounded like a trumpet.  The best was the team from Lakdul’s class.  Known to be the class of nerds, they proved everyone wrong by giving the loudest cheer.  The voices were like lava that erupted from a dormant volcano, which sliced into every nook, crevice and corner.

Lakdul could hear them loud and clear!  “Run Nerdies run!  Do us proud! Win them out! Run Nerdies run!” they boomed from a distance away.

Lakdul gulped down the stone in his throat.  The next class was a little faster and their last runner had sprinted off.  He had to be better than him!  It was win or die!

Soon, he caught hold of the metallic baton and blasted off like a cannonball out of a cannon.  To say that Lakdul ran very fast was definitely an understatement.  He was lightning fast!  Swishhhhhhh!  His feet stomped harder and faster than ever and he raced towards the finishing line like there was no tomorrow!  At the last split of a second, he finally overtook his opponent!

Yayyyyy!   He made it! He was the first to cross the yellow line and was declared the winner!  The Nerdies had won the overall class championship of the year.  What a win!  Mouths hung open in astonishment!  Lakdul, the fat boy could run!  Wow!  Everyone in class rushed forwards and threw him in the air!  He was the hero of the day. Woohoo!

Lakdul smiled.   He was glowing like a light bulb with pride.  It was an achievement that would stay with him for a long time to come.  No one called him Fatty anymore.